Evil Genius at Work

Last year I decided that I would attempt to purge my house of five items each day in an attempt to pare down my possessions. Like so many people, I have too much stuff. Things moved along for a while, but like most challenges I set for myself, I failed to take into account the overwhelming sh!t-fest my life sometimes becomes. Between a demanding, deadline-driven job, various health and wellness issues, and moving elderly parents out of a large house and into a small apartment, I am pretty much where I started out. I have been very adamant about not allowing their “treasures” to become my clutter, but it is inevitable that some things would find their way in.

And somewhere along the way, I lost my decluttering mojo. I have been searching for it lately, and have not given up hope. I will actually be at home this next weekend, which happens to be Easter weekend. There may be some festivities, but nothing planned so far, and I hope to keep the socializing to a minimum. For us that usually means only one party per day. Have I mentioned I know a lot of people? But really, I intend to spend a lot of time at home, puttering and decluttering. I have a minivan for a few weeks, so am having visions of schlepping huge loads of stuff to Salvation Army – all the things that won’t fit in my Mini. Furniture! Oh, if I could dispose of some furniture, the angels would sing.

My clutter is like fat deposits clogging the arteries of my home. It’s not so bad that I can’t move around physically, but mentally I feel like I can accomplish nothing. I look around my home and feel that I cannot do anything because there are so many other things that need to be done first. I will set myself a goal of completely decluttering the living/dining area by the end of the weekend. This is totally do-able, and if it does not get done I have no one to blame but myself.

Not that kind of diet. I have gone on The Great American Apparel Diet. No new clothes or shoes until the end of August!

By signing up and making myself accountable, I believe I will find it easier to resist the siren call of John Fluevog.

This does not apply, of course, to nail polish.

There are countless things one should never say to a child, and sooner or later, no matter how good a parent you are, you’re bound to say at least one of them.

Most of these things apply whether said child is 5, 15, or 50. Things like, “I wish you’d never been born,” of course, top the list.

But here’s the one I’ve been hearing for years, and I’m finally learning to deal with it:

“You have to promise never to get rid of this,” or some variant on that theme.

My parents grew up during the Great Depression (my father is in his 90s, and my mother is almost there). They didn’t have much, so nothing was ever thrown away if it had even the slightest possibility of having any use. My father grew up on a farm, which intensifies this trait. And, as they have gotten older, they have grown more sentimental about the items they have collected over the years.

They cling to the most unlikely things, and expect their children to cling to them after they are gone. I have made it pretty clear over the past few years that I have little to no interest in almost anything they own. I wouldn’t mind the giant flat-screen TV – seriously giant. And there are a few small items. But most of what they treasure is meaningless to me. My father’s latest obsession is a toaster from the 20s. Okay, it’s cool, but I have a (modern) toaster that works, and I’m not planning to open a museum. It might be valuable, but is it valuable enough for me to spend the time researching its value and then figuring out the best way to dispose of it? Not likely. I’m predicting a serious mo-fo of an estate sale in the future.

These days when my father offers me something if I “promise never to get rid of it,” I politely decline, telling him I can’t make that promise. I think he’s getting it. He will occasionally ask about things he’s given me in the past. Sometimes I can answer these questions honestly (e.g., some original artwork from his mother), and others I sidestep. He doesn’t press the issue.

Don’t put your child in this position. I think all parents (good parents, anyway) want to give their children meaningful gifts, they just don’t always realize that the meaning must come from what the recipient feels, not from what the giver wants the recipient to feel. If you want your child to have something of yours, make it a gift with no strings attached, not a tether. Believe me, we are more than capable of packing our own emotional baggage without you tossing stuff in on top of it.

The b/f and I just finished watching an episode of Clean House, and I told him something I haven’t told him before… about my past… and I don’t think he believed me. Or really took me seriously.

There was a time in my life when I lived in what looked like the before scenes of a Clean House episode.

It wasn’t filthy, and there were no dirty dishes in the bedroom, but I did not have people over. When I was a teenager my mother just closed my bedroom door. When I moved into my own home I had too much stuff, between being a clotheshorse, a book addict, and taking all the extra furniture my mother didn’t want anymore. I had a two bedroom house – one bedroom I never used for anything but a storage room. The living room was a sofa surrounded by clutter. I never once, in the four years I lived there, pulled my car into the garage. At one point our washing machine broke down and had to be replaced. The old one, with water still in it, was moved into the garage and sat there for two years, until I had to clean out the garage to sell the house.

I don’t think he gets how bad it was, and how much I fear going back to that. He sees me struggling to get rid of things, and I don’t know what he thinks. I know he doesn’t realize how serious this is for me.

Sometimes on the show, when people struggle with letting go of sentimental things that belonged to a family member, Niecy will ask them, “How do you think she would feel about how you’re living now? What do you think she would say?” They always say that their loved one would be sad and not want them to live that way. It’s a sad thing to admit, but my mother would probably just shrug and say, “I’m not surprised. You should have seen her room when she was a teenager.” I don’t think she’d really care, to be honest. Which makes it all that much easier to let go of those things that were important to no one but her. Harsh, but true.

Sentimental clutter – watch out, your days are numbered.

I am entering another knitting challenge. One day I will complete one within the specified time frame. I have made this one quite challenging for myself, but I am optimistic.

I seem to find myself entering challenges all the time: knitting, writing, getting in shape, decluttering. Why do I do that? I’ve never really thought about it in depth, but maybe this is something I should explore about myself? Hmm…

Tomorrow I turn… old enough not to have to tell. Suffice to say, it’s a birthday. My home is feeling more open and comfortable, but there is still this one room… and all these drawers… a bunch of “hidden” clutter that needs to be dealt with. So, starting tomorrow, I will get rid of five things each day for a year. This is the hard stuff we’re talking about here – either hard to get rid of because of emotional attachments, or inconvenient to dispose of because it should be disposed of “properly” – such as my comic book collection that has a number of very valuable items and a bunch of items that I can’t begin to value. Ugh. Anyway…

I can’t claim that this was my brilliant idea – I’m totally ripping it off from a comment someone left on a post somewhere, and they got it from someone else who got it, I think, from a book. But it’s a great idea, and I’m doing it.

So starting tomorrow I will get rid of at least five items each day, and post them here. If anyone is reading this, why don’t you join me? I’m sure I have enough items to get rid of five a day and still have more to do at the end of one year – but maybe I’m wrong. Will it take a year? Only one way to find out.

It’s true what they say, you can’t declutter other people’s stuff. Last weekend I spent a few hours going through my parents’ garage. There was so much stuff that really needed to be tossed out, or sent to Goodwill, but I didn’t have the authority to do it and I couldn’t ask them about it because my dad would say, “Out it goes!” and my mom would say, “That’s mine! I might need that!” Although, what an 89 year old woman with Alzheimer’s who never leaves her house is going to do with 80 Zippo lighters is beyond me. I did manage to fill a garbage can with trash, and sneak a few knick-knacks off to the thrift store, and sweep up all the leaves, debris, bent nails, and spilled laundry detergent. I rearranged the shelves so that all the Xmas decorations were in one place and things were easier to find. At least now I have a better estimate of what I am going to be dealing with when my parents pass and I have to clean out their house.

On a positive note, I returned home with an even greater desire to cull my belongings. I only wish I didn’t have so very many commitments for the weekend. If I can just clean out my (already greatly purged) closet and drawers I will be a happy camper. If I can organize my yarn stash and assemble a few more projects to complete, I’ll be ecstatic. I think I’ll shoot for ecstatic.

It’s almost a week now since losing Kitty. The hardest part is coming home and not being greeted at the door, or seeing her running into the room when she hears the key in the lock. But I framed a lovely picture of her, and am trying to focus on the positive (fewer dust bunnies, no litter box). I have lost pets in the past, but she was the pet of my adult years, and was with me the longest. Anyone who has lost a beloved pet knows it’s not “just a pet.”

One of the difficult decisions I had to make was whether I wanted her ashes. The vet’s office gave us this option, and my b/f and I discussed it at length. I finally decided that it was better not to have them – not because they would eventually become clutter (because honestly, what would I do with them?), but because I came to the conclusion that hanging on to such a memento would keep me in the past – it just wouldn’t be emotionally healthy. I’d look at the box, or urn, or container, or whatever and remember the hard times at the end. Better to move forward with a lovely picture and good memories.

I did do a lot of decluttering and organizing and cleaning last weekend – it helped keep my mind occupied. I went bowling with friends, but didn’t mention her passing. It was better to spend time with them, laughing and joking, without them feeling like they needed to comfort me. It was as good as it could be, and I accomplished things I was able to feel good about.

The last couple of days I have been feeling very energized and motivated. I have started writing again, and am now over halfway finished with the manuscript I have been neglecting since December. If I continue at this rate, I could have a final draft by the end of June, and a submission-ready copy and synopsis by the end of July.

I spent a little time today re-reading this post from zenhabits.net. This is one of the posts I have bookmarked and return to now and then for inspiration and motivation. What really spoke to me today were items 16-18. Tonight I plan to spend some time envisioning my ultimate life and setting some goals. I know my ultimate life includes a calm, uncluttered home, time to garden, and the ability to quit my day job and write full time. I look forward to exploring my vision more closely!

Tomorrow I will be following through on the most difficult decision I have ever had to make, and this weekend I will be doing some hard core minimizing to get my mind off of it and get past it.

The “semi-continent cat” referred to in my site description? Her time has come. She is 17 (or 18, I’ve lost track), on medication for hyperthyroidism. This is hard on her kidneys, which are already too small, so she eats special prescription food to deal with that. She also takes medication for the irritable bowel syndrome which is keeping her from absorbing necessary nutrients. And don’t forget the monthly injections for her arthritic hips. She weighs less than 6 pounds, has stopped grooming herself, and walks around drooling on herself. I won’t tell you where I found poop yesterday. It’s not pretty, it can’t be good, and it’s reached the tipping point where it just seems cruel to keep her going. Poor kitty. But she has had a good, long life. She has traveled across the country a couple of times and seen more of the world than most kitties (she LOVES riding in the car and looking out the window). She has also helped me declutter by breaking her fair share of my knick-knacks over the years. I’ll miss my girl.

This weekend I will have to dispose of her toys, and litter boxes (yes, multiple – semi-continent, remember?), and other cat-related paraphernalia. I will keep her dishes, because they are cute, remind me of her in a good way, and can be used again in the future if/when I get another cat. I know I would regret it if I got rid of those bowls.

I’ll also do other decluttering, and organizing (all my summer clothes are at the back of the closet, and this seems like a good opportunity for yet another wardrobe purge), and cleaning this weekend. I’ll start thinking about the chairs I can reupholster now that I don’t have to worry about her chewing on them. The Sash Guy is coming to work on my windows next week, so I need to make sure they’re all easily accessible (much easier now that I have been decluttering).

I will be able to take things to the next level on the decluttering and minimizing front. I won’t have to watch my step or work around the litter boxes or put throws over select items of furniture. I will focus on the positives.

I have been a prolific knitter recently, since I found a missing knitting needle in my sofa and have been reinvigorated by my recent trip to Sock Camp. I have also acquired a new hobby, drop spindle spinning, which is fun, productive, and feels more creative than just about any other handicraft I have put my hands to in a while. No pattern, no recipe, just my two hands, my imagination, and my tools. I have to give a huge thanks to fellow Sock Camp attendee, Spindlerose, for showing me the basics and giving me invaluable advice. Thanks to her I found a fabulous spindle and don’t feel like a complete doofus working this wool into real, actual, bona fide yarn.

But it’s not just fibery goodness here at the lair. I’m also feeling excited about decluttering and minimizing again. I have the house to myself for a few days this week, and am enjoying some uninterrupted cleaning up and cleaning out. I have been ruthless with the knick-knacks. Tonight I will slay dust bunnies – there will be no survivors. I need to reorganize my yarn stash. Note I do not say declutter or minimize – yarn is not clutter. And as any knitter will tell you, you will never have enough. Okay, I say that, but I do have a yarn moratorium until the end of the year, with one exception – I have to buy a certain specific yarn for a certain specific project. But that’s it. Everything else, including my Xmas knitting, will have to come from my stash. Wait, how did we wind up on fiber again?

Anyway, the spirit is moving me again towards minimizing my possessions, and I have more to say about this, and the reasons behind it, and I’m sure there will be a lot of introspection and deep thoughts, but not today. Today is for doing.